Pleasure Beach bosses were said to be livid that a Blackpool Taxi firm were offering rides up to ten times more terrifying than that of even their scariest rollercoaster. "Apparently they have drivers who drive on the wrong side of the road at breakneck speeds and go the wrong way down one way streets while taking deep gulps of what appears to be vodka and singing Polish sea faring shanties" said a spokesperson for the newly renamed "Pleasure Beach Resort" silently dropping the name Blackpool from its advertising literature as they felt it was the best way of eliminating the chance of attracting life's "Dross" to their fun park. The boss of the unnamed taxi company hit back saying "Yes there's every chance that a journey in one of our taxis will leave you shaking like Michael J Fox on a bad day and you might actually be three miles from your intended destination but we only charge Four pee a mile". A spokesperson for Blackpool council said they only issued taxi licenses to person or persons who passed their strict criteria for those suitable to convey members of the public in a safe and secure manor, he or she did however refuse to deny allegations that in order to qualify for a large grant from the government they were willing to experiment with issuing taxi licenses to blind people to boost the number of disabled people on the councils register, a move that saw the Pleasure Beach spokesperson frothing at the mouth.

Bloody great isn't it, this time last year you would have been branded a "Racist" and thrown out of the Labour party facing the possibility of a visit from the local constabulary resulting in a date with a local Magistrate who would no doubt throw the book at you should so much as look at a migrant worker in a funny way, nowadays, however, it appears OK to have a mass demonstration should you spot someone with a dodgy accent working at your local Tesco Express! Can we now assume that this also heralds an end to the banning of Christmas decorations during the "Holiday Season" now that people have decided to recognise the fact that there are some British people still living here in BRITAIN and some of us are proud of our roots? Perhaps a scan of the names of the news readers and reporters on, not just Sky, but ITV and the BBC as well may shed some light on a lack of patriotic news reporting over the last couple of years. Look out cos when the going gets tough, as it is during these uncertain times, the British people are starting to stand up and be counted. On a local level it would appear that those in authority in Blackpool are living on another planet when it comes to the recession the rest of the world acknowledges yet they choose to ignore. The local NHS blows 30 grand on a party despite shortages in funding in all departments, the local education authority sends all its teachers on a 40 thousand pound "Beano" to hotels in the Lakes District for a conference thus bolstering their economy while local hotels remain empty. Can't get sillier? Yes they can! They still insist on taxi proprietors updating their vehicles to newer models despite the fact that finance is incredibly hard to come by but not as hard as finding a customer to pay to ride in these nice shiny new vehicle! Whispers of unrest are creeping in here in Blackpool just as it is not only creeping in, but is being vented out with much anger by demonstrations not just countrywide but worldwide. Message to Blackpool Borough Council, you are not listening and you are certainly not immune from the consequences of your total disregard to the hardships currently facing the taxi trade locally due to the credit crunch. Be warned, it could get heated from here on in to say the least!

Our trip to inspect the completed section of Blackpool's promenade at New South Prom appeared to coincide with the areas "Dog Shit Festival" where locals and day trippers alike took time out from their otherwise hectic schedules to take their K9 pets down to the area so they might shit to their hearts content wherever they wished and said turds were left to harden in the spring sunshine shortly before being transferred to unsuspecting passersby's shoes then house carpets, car mats, e,t,c. Meanwhile the rest of Blackpool continued to do what it did best, making other holiday destinations look a whole lot more inviting and less life threatening thanks to a council with their heads buried incredibly deeply in sand of the builders variety, and lots of it!

Gordon Marsden is the Labour MP for Blackpool South, obviously when he was chosen by the Labour party to represent the good people of Blackpool South he didn't actually live in the area therefore knew very little at the time about the area and the needs of local people and after reading a summary of his expenses in the Daily Telegraph we can only assume he has learnt absolutely bugger all about the local housing market if he is happy to pay £170 a week for a one bedroom flat! Either he has totally lost his mind when it comes to value for money or, dare we say it, something untoward is occurring and that famous phrase "I made a mistake" is about to be uttered yet again from within the walls of Westminster.

Nice to see the "Drive Of Death", (or "Contra Flow" as the council call it) in front of the tower finally coming to an end at least two weeks after it could have resulting in the needless hospitalisation of a cabbie following a head on collision directly outside the Tower. Not to mention the place looking bloody awful during the Easter period, a time when the whole country is on show in an attempt to lure holidaymakers to holiday in this country during hard times. We doubt that anyone who experienced Blackpool at Easter will return in the foreseeable future. While these roadwork's and traffic restrictions were in place I witnessed a head on crash, a man getting knocked off his feet by a passing car and so many near misses I had to pull over at least ten times a shift and illegally smoke a cigarette in my taxi to calm my nerves.

We were interested to read the comments in the Gazette by cabinet member for regeneration and tourism Maxine Callow regarding the twenty thousand pounds being spent on artwork to hide the ugly building site in Talbot Square, a conservation area in the heart of the town, created by the demolition of Yates’s Wine Lodge following a fire. Perhaps she could now direct her attention to the large, ugly temporary roadwork sign surrounded by even uglier barriers that stands proud at the other end of Talbot Square, still in the conservation area and a blot on the landscape but appears to be invisible to her and all other councillors despite the fact it is plainly visible from the Town Hall and was put there by the councils very own workforce! Or are those Town Hall windows dirtier than they look?

We would like to remind you all that time is running out for you to attain the impressive BTEQ Qualification free of charge from local colleges as the funding pot is getting low and will eventually run out giving the council a big headache as the cost of acquiring a license to drive a cab will soon far out way the financial benefits thus leading to a shortage of drivers just as their poorly thought out "Age Restriction" policy has led to a marked decline in the amount of purpose built vehicles being available on what few taxi ranks are still open in the town centre, thus offering the public a far inferior service to the one they had before the tinkering by people in offices who obviously have too much time on their hands. Might we suggest someone fires these clueless timewasters and the money saved can go towards better education for council employees who work in departments they obviously know F#ck all about! There, we've said it!

Following the success of the recent "Ride The Lights" where thousands of cyclists ( including us) braved conditions on a traffic free promenade to take in the atmosphere of the illuminations council officers have decided to repeat the event later on during the lights although if the weather continues to deteriorate and the drains along the route remain blocked as they have for many years now through neglect the event is expected to be renamed "Paddle The Lights" as pretty soon a canoe is all that will be capable of navigating this apparent tributary of the Lancaster canal that used to be known locally as "Blackpool Prom" Footnote : On a more serious level and we hate to praise the council but it was a fantastic sight to see as whole families, young and old slim, fat, good looking, ugly you name it the promenade was awash with it and they all had smiling faces, I almost had a tear in my eye and then realised I was sitting on my left bollock cos the saddles on them bikes they rent out on the prom (See Ebay auction 453711 cash only) are a bit iffy to say the least!

A Welshman is seeking to join the Police force. The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted." Then, sliding a pistol across the desk, he says:" Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit. ""Why the rabbit?" asks Taffy… Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"